Unmasking You: From Overload to Authenticity

In Week 4 of Beyond Anxiety, discover the link between the masks/personas we create in childhood and adult anxiety. Timeout to gently uncover our Sovereignty.

From Overloaded to Outback

Feeling the collective heaviness and anxiety of the recent weeks mentioned in Week 3 was probably the tipping point for hastily planning a trip into far Western New South Wales. I certainly did not anticipate writing Week 4 from a motel in Cowra on our loop home.

Early morning peace north of Broken Hill. Image by Michelle Cowles.

So join me!

I’m sitting at a little wooden table in a clean, crisp motel room (very different from the last few days!!) with the door open. My view of a gentle blue sky is fringed with greenery hugging the veranda gutter and posts and scented by the lazy wood smoke wisping its way in. It has been quiet for the last half hour as I gathered my thoughts and now sporadic evening traffic hums in the background. There are so many blessings in being part of a country community - but more of this in later posts!

Timeout is such a precious gift and a stabiliser for those of us prone to anxiety. What I have noticed about myself is that I am at my best when I’m in wonder, by water and when I connect with others.

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I’d love to hear from you - what is you ‘go to’ when life begins to crowd in?

Or something else? Please share in the comments or drop in an image of your peaceful place- we are all just finding ways to BE and what a blessing it is to be able to support each other.

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A Recap of Weeks 1-3

In the first three weeks of Beyond Anxiety, we moved from understanding anxiety as a messenger, to uncovering how the Ego shapes our anxious thoughts through old beliefs and inner criticism. Week 2 focused on recognising and healing the impact of childhood experiences with the inner child through compassionate self-talk. In Week 3, we expanded our awareness to include empathic sensitivity and collective energy, learning how to discern what is truly ours and how to clear the integrity of our energetic space during times of deep personal and planetary change.

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IMPORTANT: By continuing to read or listen to this article you

• agree that if you are in a high risk category, are experiencing suicidal ideation, or if the information presented causes strong emotional reactions you feel unable to process, you do not continue.

• seek immediate support through your doctor and or mental health provider if needed.

• agree you have read and abide by Michelle Cowles, Spiritual Healer terms and conditions and terms of use.

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Week 4 - The Stories We Live By

If only we realised how fragile and temporary our human identity really is. This week’s article is an expansion of understanding the way our Ego operates, or rather, the way we are operated by our Ego.

This life is a story for a short while- hold it lightly, not tightly. Image by Di An

The Ego, and the masks we wear are usually formed in childhood in response to our experiences. Think of the mask or persona as the label for the learnt set of habits, emotions, and reactions we developed in response to our environment.

So, two questions:

1. Why this particular set of experiences?

And

2. Why did I take on this particular mask or masks?

Foundational Experiences

Firstly, understand that our experience is outlined by our Soul Contract which contains the joys and the work that we hope for to evolve and/or expand our evolution. Time and again, it is affirmed we choose our parents, and we roughly outline our experiences before we incarnate. From my experience, whatever creates our hurts usually lines up with the wounds we wish to heal and the strengths we wish to gain in this lifetime and / or the growth and evolution of ourselves and others, including all of humanity.

Can you think of a better way to remind us in human form to lift the low energy from old patterns, and create new ways of being as we remember to honour the unconditional love we ALL are?

Now we have set the framework, we fearlessly venture into the human form to EXPERIENCE.

Joy? Tick.

Wounds? Yep, we're getting them too.

We hurt and it reminds us of the low vibration residue written in our coding - leftovers from past lifetimes and our choice of ancestral inheritance. This is not who we are but an opportunity to heal and release old traumas for ourselves and all of Mass Consciousness.

When we remember that we are here to learn to BE unconditional love and to step away from drama with unconditional love, our wounds no longer keep reappearing and old dramas fall away. Perhaps, dear ones, we simply aren’t resonating with others who are not ready to move on? Anxiety can be caused by thinking we can’t give ourselves permission to love and let go.

Still Figuring It Out?

We will need as many reminders as we require until we learn to hold unconditional love and healthy boundaries. Of course this occurs in Divine timing, and rarely during childhood where our personas are generally formed by our early experiences. These old events, our reaction, others’ response, were the basis for our beliefs about ourselves and others from our child-perspective. Yet we know so much more as adults, perhaps its time to examine our earliest understandings as a source of our present limitations.

The Masks We Wear

The following are some of the commonly recognised masks or personas. Are any of these familiar?

• The Responsible One - Often the eldest, takes on adult-like duties, becomes the caregiver or mini-parent.

• The Rebel - Challenges authority, breaks rules, often acts out to gain attention or independence.

• The Peacemaker - Tries to keep harmony in the family, avoids conflict, smooths over tension.

• The Golden Child - The high achiever, praised and idealised by parents, often carries the pressure to succeed.

• The Scapegoat - Blamed for family issues, often acts out to express what others repress.

• The Invisible One - Withdrawn or overlooked, copes by staying quiet, unnoticed, and self-reliant.

• The Clown - Uses humour to diffuse tension, distract from pain, or gain approval and affection.

• The Helper or Fixer - Takes on others' problems, tries to keep everyone happy or “fix” family dysfunction.

• The Sick, Fragile or Anxious One - Gains attention or leniency through physical or emotional vulnerability.

• The Free Spirit or Dreamer - Imaginative, distracted, daydreamer

Any of these masks can be selected, either in isolation or combination, in response to our early experiences. Personas crafted not out of who we truly are, but out of who we believed we needed to be to feel safe, seen, or accepted.

Whether we became the peacemaker, the rebel, the achiever, or the invisible one, each role was a response to our environment, a survival strategy. I’m sure you can agree with me that maintaining any one of these masks would be exhausting and lead to anxiety.

Do We Really Need Them?

Of course, these masks were once protective, yet eventually they will limit us. As we awaken to our true, Divine nature, we’re invited to gently and compassionately peel them away so we can return to the essence beneath: our infinite self, grounded in unconditional love.

Psychologists wonder, why do children raised by the same people take on different masks? Do our parents/caregivers mould us into these roles through attention or absence? Is there something pre-conditioned in our DNA guiding us to a particular persona or archetype?

In the metaphysical world the answer is simple: Our choices sit in our Soul Contract for this lifetime as mentioned above in Foundational Experiences.

I spent a good part of my childhood in the Outback - perhaps I am only beginning to truly appreciate the stillness it offers. At Mt Gipps, Broken Hill.

As the eldest in my family, I certainly took on the role of The Responsible One. (And yes, I could say I was given the role, but I know better.) I’ve had hundreds of lifetimes where I ploughed my own needs under, taking responsibility for everyone and everything. So in this lifetime, this persona needed to implode because of course we cannot be responsible for other Divine Souls here to have their own experience for learning, remembering, and evolution in the physical. While I was trying to ‘save’ others (note irony because no one needs saving), I was limiting my growth and expansion - think of it as living in someone else’s lane instead of focusing on the full, glorious experience to be had when we are brave enough to go within. And this is where the magic happens because when we fully embrace our beingness with unconditional love we lift the whole as well as ourselves.

That Was Then and This Is Now

We are no longer children, and our childhood experiences are in the past. Is our choice to hold onto the mask creating limitation and discomfort?

And what if it is the mask itself that is creating the anxiety? The idea that we need to be a certain way to achieve a certain outcome as defined by our child-self?

• What if those who wished me to take responsibility for others themselves need to learn to trust in our Divine plan?

• What if The Golden Child needs to learn it is okay not to be perfect? To return to embracing each experience as a learning opportunity.

• And The Scapegoat is here to find their voice and say, ‘How you respond to your issue is your business and if you need to blame me that is your work, not mine?’

Take a minute and look at the other masks. What insight or deep learning might they offer?

But Wait, There’s More

Let’s not forget that we are learning a whole new way of being. This has not happened before en-masse in the entirety of our human history. Our ancestor’s focus was rightly on creating relationships that supported survival, leaving little time for emotional development. Today, we are learning to honour our emotions, be guided by them, honour the emotions of others and speak our truth with integrity. You are on the cutting edge of a new way of BEing and it involves change to step into our Sovereignty.

When we are ready to put down the mask / persona / archetype /Ego we effectively return to who we are. As a Sovereign being we fully reclaim and embody our inherent power, freedom, and responsibility as the author of our own life. It is this recognition that our worth, identity, and inner guidance comes from within and not from external approval, conditioning, or control.

Perhaps this sounds complicated, yet it is not. Embodying who we are is to be:

• Self-aware: Conscious of our thoughts, emotions, patterns, and beliefs, and able to witness them while remembering we are not them.

• Self-governing: Able to make aligned choices based on inner truth rather than fear, people-pleasing, or inherited roles.

• Energetically autonomous: Aware of our own energy and boundaries, no longer unconsciously absorbing or carrying what is not ours.

• Spiritually connected: Anchored in the understanding that we are both human and Divine; an expression of infinite consciousness experiencing life in physical form.

Living in Sovereignty doesn’t mean separation from others; it means being present and honouring ourselves in relationships, work, and the world through clarity, integrity, and love.

In this space we no longer seek validation but offer presence without judgment of self and others.

In the meantime, as we stretch and grow into this new way of being, anything less is perfectly normal. There is no judgment for what has been, or where we may be along the healing continuum. Even our anxiety.

In the right timing, we will reclaim the parts of ourselves that have felt shunned, ignored, ashamed of, etc, when it felt unbearable to maintain the illusion of the mask. This reclamation occurs with OUR unconditional love and acceptance of all that we are.

To forgive ourselves fully for everything we have created in this lifetime is to BE. Image by by Ben White

REFLECTION - Who Are You?

So, who might you be without the mask? One thing I can assure you - you are not your experiences nor your adopted personas. Take an ‘observers’ stance and reflect on the following questions. Journal if it feels right for you.

Which of the masks or personas described in the article do you most identify with, and how has this shaped your experiences and responses to anxiety?
Consider how this mask may have helped you in the past, and how it might now be limiting your growth or authenticity.

What does Sovereignty mean to you personally, and what steps might you take to live more in alignment with your true, unmasked self?
Think about how you can move from external validation toward internal trust, love, and guidance. Note: it is perfectly normal for this thought to raise ideas about risking being rejected by others. Just notice and we will examine this further later.

When we love and forgive ourselves at every silly, embarrassing, ‘flawed’, stage because we are learners, learning in our Divine right timing, we are free.

I see the Divine being you are.

Can you?

I am so glad you are here. If you have enjoyed this article please click the ❤️, subscribe, share, comment. I appreciate you.

Love and blessings

Michelle Cowles

Spiritual Healer, Energy Therapist

Copyright © Michelle Cowles 2025

You can also find me at www.michellecowles.com

Disclaimer: The information on this page is general, lifestyle information and should not be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. If this article raises mental health issues, please contact your General Practitioner, mental health worker, or Lifeline on 13 11 14 (Australia) OR find support by country at www.helpguide.org.