The Hole in the Mirror
We are others' mirrors. What to do when we absorb rather than reflect others' words and actions. Another perspective on 'you hurt my feelings'...
Other People Show us who they Are
Let me say this again.
Other people show us who they are, how they cope with certain situations; the strategies they have learnt about how to be in the world, their beliefs about themselves and the world they live in - essentially, what they believe to be true.
And while we are all one energy, our viewpoints are certainly not one.
We develop our beliefs as small children, from our ongoing life experiences, accept certain ways of being from our ancestral line (epigenetics) and even bring forth certain seemingly inexplicable notions from past or future lifetimes.
It is a story that begins before we enter the human body.
An Energetic Hangover
As energetic beings, fragments of the the Divine Source of all that is, we plan our lifetimes to find joy and remember unconditional love in the human form. It is also a potential-filled opportunity to restore balance to the karmic hangover or debris from other lifetimes lived.
Every lifetime we live containing unresolved hurts, continues on energetically until we come to terms with it and release it through understanding and unconditional love. We may not think about each individual’s energy as particularly significant, however, when amassed it becomes a tangle of low-vibration energy wrapped around and within Mother Earth, affecting all of Mass Consciousness.
Blueprint or Soul Contract
And so we plan to remember our unresolved pain through the framework of the Divine Blueprint we create for the coming lifetime.
We choose:
the hurts we wish to heal
our parents (with rare exception)
we invite certain entities to have experiences that will either trigger us to remember our wounds - friends, enemies, bullies, partners
we invite supportive beings who will help remind us of beauty and kindness
our Higher Self to unfailingly and repeatedly bring us the experiences that we need to keep nudging (or shoving!) us back to the path of our Divine Plan
As energetic beings, the energy of all as one, we know that we are unconditional love and have infinite compassion for ourselves and all that is. When we move through the veil into the physical body this knowing is diluted.
Small children have greater access to remembering who they are as a Divine soul - this unconditional love. As we observe their growth we can notice the limitations they accept for themselves. This is not a negative aspect of being but a process to remember what they are here to resolve.
Lessons Learnt
What we believe about the world becomes true for us.
Let me give some examples as a three year old:
A child in a car accident due to rainy weather- not hurt but emotionally shaken, can develop fear that later triggers anxiety in inclement weather.
A busy parent, rushing through a morning routine to leave for work, ignores or dismisses the child who wants their parent’s attention. Repeated on other busy or distracted occasions can leave the egocentric child to believe what they have to say is not important.
Any correction to behaviour that is received as shame, guilt, blame, anger, rejection, abandonment, etc will lead to the child judging themselves as unlovable - the beginnings of perfectionism or rebellion. (We can modify our behaviour as parents, but please remember that our wounds and our children’s wounds exist because of our Divine plan. Let the guilt go!)
Several beliefs have now been created: life is dangerous; people don’t listen to me, I am not worthy of being heard; and I must behave a certain way to avoid being judged/receive love.
How does this Occur?
Cognitive function begins to develop around the age of 7. Without this function all events are egocentric, and are interpretted without the discernment of logic.
Underlying these lessons is the link they offer to the child/soul’s Divine Blueprint. They are here to relearn that this is only a lifetime. Rarely is a life cut short (approximately 2% leave the physical body unplanned). Further, the most important person we need to remember to listen to is ourselves and undoubtedly, this has been forgotten in many lifetimes before. The stage has now been set to allow the wounds to develop and provide opportunities to heal in a physical form.
The Mirror and the Higher Self
The stage is set.
The Higher Self must continue to bring experiences that show the child these are false beliefs and this is done through reflecting the wound.
As the child develops and moves out into the world, they will find much to be fearful as they seek to confirm their belief. Potentially, anxiety will develop as a symptom that reflects we are in our Egoic fearful self and not listening to the truth that sits within the heart.
Afraid, Unheard, and Judged
Now, interacting with others, they will find what they know. In the landscape of life, the first child may look for danger in a situation where another may see none. The second child will look for occasions where other’s ignore them, and move through life along the sidelines. Finally, the original wound of criticism or judgment will be triggered by any perceived criticism in the third child will be reflected in the critical way they too, now view themselves and the world.
Can we Hold Space to be Other’s Mirror?
Yes and no.
We have agreed to engage with others as part of our Divine agreement to progress all.
When we observe another’s actions or comments and understand that it is not about us, but a reflection of what they have accepted for themselves, we can hold witness, resting in the knowing that the only feelings we can ‘control’ are our own. At this point we can send them love, trust they are being guided by their Higher Self, and allow ourselves to act on any boundary we need in a loving way.
Alternatively, their behaviour may contain an important message for us.
Closing the Hole in the Mirror
If we don’t yet see the scenario as about them, we are definitely getting a message. This is our invitation to notice how their behaviour makes us feel, to look within and ask ourselves what wound has this triggered and what do I need?
When we notice someone’s behaviour or words make us feel
rejected - how are we rejecting ourselves and our own innate knowing?
abandoned - do we need to remember that all are one, that there is no true separation but that which we create for ourselves?
criticised - how are we not accepting ourselves unconditionally? When did we learn to believe we are not enough as we are?
unloved - we are already perfectly imperfect according to our Divine Plan. Again, when did we learn to accept the label of ‘unloved’ or ‘unlovable’ for ourselves?
the need to protect someone from feeling something uncomfortable - what hurt still sits within us, unhealed?
[insert other emotion/reaction] - where did this begin for us?
All is a beautiful exchange between souls in the physical.
How would we know we still had something to heal if we didn’t experience unpleasant emotions? They are simply inviting us to continue to heal ourselves.
Then we can move to the observer’s stance and trust each person is having the experiences they need.
A Word for the Empaths
Those who have come to Earth to remember to use emotions as our guidance are prone to feeling others’ emotions in the extreme. Part of the empath’s lesson is to trust their feelings, to learn to apply healthy boundaries, to trust that others are having the experiences they need to grow and evolve. We are invited to remember that first and foremost we are here to heal and prioritise ourselves, and to ensure our energetic cup overflows to share healing of all through unconditional love.
Self-Healing
There are a few things we can do for ourselves to heal the hole in the mirror.
Let it out
We are not here to ‘bottle up’ or suppress our feelings and in fact, doing so creates dis-ease which in the long term will make us ill. We don’t need to minutely examine every little hurt to do this, we simply need to be willing to allow our emotions to rise, surface and release.
Find a meditation to support this here.
Then choose something better
When we have an experience that doesn’t feel good, we are being invited by our Higher Self to remember that this is not who we are or is not aligned with our Divine Plan. Do we need to learn to say ‘no’, to choose something better, to try something different, to prioritise ourselves? Take action, the next experience will show us if we are on the right path, and if we need redirecting, we will be shown through further discomfort.
Repeat as often as necessary
We are not our experiences - each experience is merely an opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve.
Be gentle
Be kind to you - when we leave this lifetime there is no judgment. As energy we realise we did the very best we could, even when we thought we weren’t. Treat yourself as you would a small child or your very best friend. Put yourself first.
Be present
Remember that what occured in the past, in our childhoods, etc, is not occurring right now. What we choose to focus on in this minute creates our reality.
Continuing patterns
If we are still experiencing a negative pattern, we are being invited to take action. Seek support wherever it resonates - we are not here to heal entirely on our own. A counsellor, a doctor, an energy healer, a psychologist, a shaman... Until you find what works - don’t give up! You are infinitely worthy and deserving of living a joyous life.
Can we allow others to work through their wounds in their Divine timing?
Can we allow them to feel their own pain, to trust that they are being guided by their Higher Self to have the experiences they need?
Can we consistently remember that any hurt we feel is our invitation to refocus on what we are here to resolve for ourselves? Our own Divine plan?
Can we learn to offer every human being (especially ourselves) unconditional love as our energetic equal, living a physical life experience as best they can?
Yes, yes we can.
A Message from the Angelic Realm
I thought I was finished with this article and then was taken to this reminder:
Our guardian angels are unconditionally and irrevocably connected to us not only in this lifetime, but in every lifetime we live. It is their role to hold the threads of our karma and to ride the waves of experience with us. Not only do they accompany us, love and support us, but they also evolve and grow according to our growth.
Working behind the scenes they support us and our life purpose, encouraging us to walk through the doors of life with confidence.
Perhaps its time to communicate with our guardian angel in a deeper way. I know many of you already thank them and give your angels permission to assist you. What would it mean if we enabled them to evolve further by enobling our own soul? How can we be of service through kindness to ourselves and others, to receive Higher Wisdom, and to send others love no matter how they behave?
I believe in us.
Blessings
Michelle x
Michelle Cowles
Spiritual Leader/Teacher/Learner
Copyright Michelle Cowles 2023
Disclaimer: The information on this page is general, lifestyle information and should not be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. If this article raises mental health issues, please contact your General Practitioner, mental health worker, or Lifeline on 13 11 14
Fantastic piece of writing Michelle….. and thank you for writing it….. very helpful dear soul…. 💫🌻🙏…. Namaste