The Art of Witnessing
For all, but particularly empaths - thoughts on how we manage life in a world that readily presents us with suffering.
The Art of Witnessing
Many of you will have read the article, ‘Earth in Distress’ - or read the headline and opening paragraph and then quickly clicked away. No judgement. It takes a special awareness to ‘see’ trauma beyond ‘falling into the hole’ with the trauma. By this I mean we can move through our day as high vibrational beings operating from love and gratitude, only to see something upsetting and instantly lower our vibration to match.
When we consider how those of us who are empaths have experienced the physical world, we understand that this heaviness is almost too much to bear. As young children we come into the physical with enormous optimism that we will show others lightness of being. Often though, coming into a physical experience filled with heaviness of sadness, anger, criticism, etc, distracts us from our purpose. We forget our ‘lightness of being’ and think we need to be responsible for others’ feelings. Sometimes we even say things like we wish we could take others’ pain from them or that we will always ‘be their back-up’.
This notion is seemingly honourable but it disregards they are having the experiences they need to grow and evolve and, perhaps, they are here to teach us to stay in our lane and focus on what causes pain within ourselves.
How ‘Helping’ Might not be what it Seems
Diagrams 1 & 2 below When we notice suffering (1) and join the sufferer by ‘helping’, ‘fixing’, or absorbing their sadness (empath role) we lose our high vibration of joy (2).
Diagram 3 If we choose to stay out of their funk, love them and believe in their ability to resolve the problems they have created for their evolution, we remain healthy. By energetically lowering the ladder of awareness and compassion for every experience others create to evolve, we support them to climb out - when they are ready.
The principle of Divine Timing always applies - we know ourselves that we only create change when we are ready. Does the person have the tools they need? Do they know of support services, resources, etc? If the answer is ‘yes’, then we must trust they will use them when they are ready.
Why this Matters
When we focus on others, two important things occur:
Avoidance/Distraction
We are no longer focused on our Divine Plan, our own pain, and what we need to heal. As every healer knows, it is always easier to look at another’s problem and find a solution. The consequence may not be apparent immediately, however, repeatedly neglecting ourselves will generally create unwellness and force us to retreat.
Burdening Others
Our lower vibration impacts the person we are trying to help, and all that is.
By focusing on another’s situation and ‘taking it on’, we have also effectively draped them in the energy of further heaviness, adding our worry, judgment, stress, anxiety, etc, to the weight they are already carrying.
Small Steps
Early awakeners learnt to turn off the television, and to forgo the news media in its many forms. This is effective to shift away from ‘falling in the hole’ and holding onto higher vibrations. It is easier done with those outside of our immediate circle. When we understand the next step in Diagram 3, we begin to effectively hold witness without lowering our vibration. This allows us to become a greater part of the solution.
Greater Understanding
David Hawkins developed the Map of Consciousness, a vibrational study of the energy of emotions. When we leave the vibration of love, for example, to sit with someone who is suffering, and take on their vibration of fear, we also attract fear and anxiety.
Ultimately, we are responsible for our feelings and we choose.
A Better way of Helping
We generally want to be there for our friends and families. We don’t want to add to their burden by lowering our vibration and we also want to create a healthy framework for us and them.
It is our responsibility to not encourage others to stay ‘grinding their gears’ and ‘spinning their wheels’ in the same loop of situational drama. Think of repeatedly listening to others’ drama - the same offence or variations of - as allowing them to blow off steam, to justify their role in the situation they co-created. When we listen, the pressure is temporarily lifted, they feel better and go on with their lives. We, however, feel the debris of their low vibration, and may worry about their ability to resolve a situation. The ‘fix’ is only temporary because the underlying issue triggering the drama is yet to be resolved. It is only a matter of time until they create the next drama when the pressure will again build.
In a process attributed to the Native Americans, the support person listens to the other and allows them to fully express their hurt, the injustice, the betrayal - whatever it is a situation or person has ‘made them feel’.
The ‘hurt’ person leaves to process the event, and then returns to their support person, and again delves into the circumstances that created the injury or brings another, similar injury. They are encouraged to ‘unload’ and discuss all aspects of the event.
Once again they leave to process. On their third return they speak of the hurtful situation. This time the support person responds with ‘I have listened three times and now wonder what you are going to do about this situation? I love you too much to listen to you replaying the pain. I believe in you and know that you will find a solution.’ In this way, the ownership of the situation is returned to the person who has manifested it.
They may ask for advice, or they may not. No matter how badly we want someone to resolve their experiences, they will only come to it in their right timing.
The Higher Self
Can we trust that they too have a Divine life plan to learn, grow and evolve? That they have manifested this situation to learn from or to gain awareness of previously unrecognised strengths?
Regardless of our interventions, if an experience is to be had for their evolution, they will continue to manifest similar experiences and often in greater degrees. And it must work like this as the Higher Self completes its contract of bringing a certain learning into their awareness. I often think of our need to put our hand out and ‘save’ someone as enabling them to stay stuck.
There is no judgment needed about the roles we play. We learn in our Divine right timing, as does every person we interact with. Breathe and release any guilt that may arise - it is not needed.
Now we have a better strategy, we learn to apply what we have learnt. Sometimes this is easier than others. We have all kinds of patterns that make us believe we are responsible for others. But truly, we are not.
The Mirror
Others are always our mirror.
If their suffering is too much to bear, how am I being shown my own pain that I am covering up? Perhaps it is time to go within.
If I find it difficult to learn of fellow creatures like the whales suffering, how am I contributing to their suffering?
If I struggle to hear of a tragic event, where is my pain?
If I feel blamed by someone who wants me to be responsible for their suffering, how am I blaming myself? And where did this sense of responsibility begin?
Some of the above IS challenging for the egoic mind. Suffering can seem senseless to us but metaphysically, it rarely is. When we remember that we are infinite beings having a temporary, physical experience, we begin to understand how loved and protected we are. That each of us has a Divine life plan and move in and out of lifetimes, having experiences that will grow and evolve ourselves and all of humanity. Some beautiful souls choose sacrifice to create awareness - you will find evidence of this many times from Christ to our pilot whales.
The healed Witness has the ability to hold unconditional love for all. To look at suffering as the consequence of experiences needed to ask us to choose something better. They trust that all is evolving as it needs to and that each of us is learning and growing along our individual Divine trajectories in Divine Right Timing.
This message of holding witness was so clearly conveyed in the film, ‘Mary Magdalene’, I highly recommend it.
The Blessing in Bearing Witness
Witness and honour each other’s paths.
Hold unconditional love and compassion for all.
Remember our triggers are invitations to go within.
To be a witness is a calling to create the shift to enlightenment through acknowledging all that does not resonate with the heart. Holding the ability to ‘see’ with eyes of love as we observe the human trials and tribulations. Evolved witnesses hold loving heart space, trusting each is having a guided experience according to their Divine path. In effect, humanity is here to recognise the power of freewill. The power to choose and through the consequences of our own choices, learn to apply freewill for our highest Good and the Highest Good of all.
Blessed be
Michelle x
Michelle Cowles
Spiritual Leader/Teacher/Learner
Copyright Michelle Cowles 2023
Disclaimer: The information on this page is general, lifestyle information and should not be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. If this article raises mental health issues, please contact your General Practitioner, mental health worker, or Lifeline on 13 11 14
This is an absolutely brilliant and informative article. Incredibly true too. Thank you Michelle.
Being a parent I'm constantly thinking about my actions and whether they're enabling vs learning in regards to my children. I believe my Mum's approach allowed me to learn, making me independent and self reliant. But sometimes her approach left me feeling unprotected. It's a natural response for me to over compensated in trying to 'protect' my children. I have to be mindful to back off and allow them to learn their lessons. Walking the fine line of enough nurture for safe development.