The Goddess and the Wound
An ode to parenting from the human condition of trauma, and how we are changing ancestral lines, generation by generation. An apology and healing for us all.
I had an insightful conversation with someone dear to me recently and it provided an opportunity for some shared wisdom and unexpected healing.
We will call this beautiful soul Goddess Mother (GM) - it is how I think of her. The one who pulls the family together, uses alchemy to create beautiful relationships, is practical, energetic, pragmatic, thoughtful, loving, compassionate and so much fun, yet takes no nonsense when it matters.
GM, I want to be you when I grow up!
Yet GM almost sounds too good to be true, doesn’t she? Of course this description is illusory. Like all of us, she too is in a physical body, doing the best she can with her experiences, healing and evolving in Divine right timing. And make no mistake, GM does her work.
And don’t we have pressure - imposed by others and self-imposed - to be good mothers and fathers, to raise kind and responsible children whom we are proud to represent us and form the next generation of humanity? We wish for our children to do better than we did. Whether it is to contribute more to the betterment of humankind, or to simply do a better job of achieving happiness and finding their place in the world.
No Pressure
No wonder we occasionally need to let off steam.
And so we were talking about the challenges of child-rearing. She is an enlightened parent - aware of the need for emotional expression and how we each need our own wounds for growth.
But enough of the metaphysical for the moment.
Angsty Teens
With emerging teens, GM's home is filled with the usual resistance, self-assertion and surge of hormones. She was recounting a conversation that went something like this:
Child Prodigy #1 (CP) is not studying - they are so bright, their tests have proven they are more than capable yet CP won’t study and their exam results are woeful. Having spoken with the school, CP was given 2 weeks to re-sit their exam to improve their (unrecorded) grades and avoid dire consequences from home and school.
How can CP be so disrespectful?
I can hear the tension and indignation escalating.
We (GM and Divine Masculine - DM) pay good money for school fees and work hard to create opportunities for all our children, including CP1. If CP insists on being so disrespectful, they will be stripped of (a list of privileges).
GM tells of her frustration. Recounting how she raised her voice - feeling like she yells more and more often - and laid it on the line for CP in no uncertain terms.
“Oh, GM!,” I say. The words barely out of my mouth as I see GM’s expression fall and energy deflate.
How easy it is to sit in the tower of wisdom with a backward look, created after 30+ years of parenting and with the benefit of time to examine all through a spiritual/psychological lens.
GM says, “I know, right?!”
In the moment I want to point out what beautiful humans GM and DM are raising. To defend CP’s right to be an angsty teen. How resistance creates more resistance. We talk of the need for all souls to freely feel the consequences of their choices and how their actions are not a reflection of us, unless we make it so. How our children need boundaries, clear and fair consequences, and most of all, unconditional love so they can rise and fall and rise again.
And that is all very well indeed, yet it totally misses the mark. GM, like all of us as parents, particularly mothers, need to have a space where we can vent our frustrations and fears, take a breath and reset.
“Oh, GM”, felt like judgement. Yet, that was the last thing I ever intend for GM. I sat with it…
The Mirror - Again…
What I was really saying was not Oh, GM, it was Oh, Michelle.
I ask, GM how is she feeling frustrated with herself - what is hers to control and what isn’t.
What I am really asking is, what was mine to control and what wasn’t.
Like GM, I also did much of the childrearing with DM working long hours. And then we swapped. My DM being home allowed me to put in late nights and long hours too.
All of a sudden I realise none of this was about GM. I stopped being an impartial shoulder the moment I was triggered to judgement.
How I remember the exhaustion of focusing on raising ‘decent human beings’, maintaining our lifestyle, running the family ethos of ‘hardworking’, getting children from one extra-curricular event to another, creating opportunities for memorable experiences, and more.
All leading to distracted parenting - what a mess.
No wonder my children resisted my choices.
Yet, and yet…
I wander back in my mind to the three little bodies, their bright beautiful souls beaming from their physical form. Full of unconditional love, irrepressible joy, their determination to do things for themselves, the delight in shared discoveries, the freely expressed emotions. Ironically, isn’t this the truest defininition of ‘decent human beings’?
Yet parenting and our acceptance of social expectations slowly erodes their true nature, overlaying it with so many burdens and teaching the need for other’s approval to be ‘good enough’.
And then I remember, I too was this child.
No wonder I resisted my parents’ choices.
Our Generational Roles - The Metaphysical
As energy, we choose our ancestral line.
We choose it because of the strengths it will give us.
We choose it because of the wounds we will accept along the way.
And we choose it because we believe we have the ability to release trauma or make a significant dent in trauma, handing the healing baton down from one generation to the next.
Our Divine Blueprint makes this eminently clear.
We Cannot Escape our Blueprint
We can resist it - deny it - blame ourselves for what sits in it - but ultimately we will have the experiences we need because we have asked it to be so.
If we can accept that each of us is here to play our Divinely guided role, then we can stop beating ourselves up for what was or what is.
Release guilt.
Release expectation.
Release control.
And return to the unconditional love that we are.
And CP? Yes, their second round of exams confirmed their academic strengths. And when they are ready to apply it in their area of interest, they will excel. All in their own Divine right timing.
When we take our triggered emotions out of the situation, it becomes so much easier to be that loving observer, to insist that our healthy boundaries be respected and to remember that other’s behaviour is not about us.
To remember that our present presence is our greatest gift.
Our Children are Our Reminder
I am often reminded that our role is not to shape our children, but to support them as much as possible to remain the untarnished lights they are. And that we can choose to let go of expectation. I wish I had known this when my children were younger. I am truly sorry for our pain.
Part of our Divine roles include inescapable suffering. It is how we remember to return to unconditional love. They and I needed the wounds we experienced and those I inflicted as we work our way to ending ancestral trauma. A metaphysical truth, it is also physically evident in the aware parents my children have become. I am also eternally thankful for second chances, experiencing the joy of being a much more aware grandparent than I was as a parent.
So many blessings.
Can we forgive? Ourselves for creating and others for participating in our growth and awareness? For EVERYTHING.
If it feels right, use this meditation to heal the part of you that is triggered:
Not forgiving ourselves and others holds onto so much unhealthy energy, weighing us all down. And how does it serve to resist our Divine experiences?
Compassion, dear ones, especially for ourselves.
GM I love you. Thank you for showing me what I still needed to work on and thank you for being you.
You are an amazing human, and a wonderful example of love, learning and growth for your three Divine beings and us all.
Blessings
Michelle x
Michelle Cowles
Spiritual Leader/Teacher/Learner
Copyright Michelle Cowles 2024
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