The Ego's Playbook: Are You Stuck in the Drama Triangle?

Shift from ego-driven responses to unconditional love to step into your Divine sovereignty with love and clarity. Examining the work we are doing as we move from 3D to 5D.

Dec 07, 2024

How Focus Shapes your Vibration and Reality

It’s a beautiful day, you start your day in your favourite way, the stars have aligned and you feel a deep peace. Serenity.

Aligned with abundance you hold the door to allow all good to arrive.

And then your mind interrupts you with a niggle.

That uninvited whisper. Image by Photo by Birmingham Museums Trust

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It doesn’t acknowledge that when you are looking at what does not please you, your vibration is displeasure.

That displeasure has now become the point of attraction.

And 20 affirmations will not counter it.

If we are really affected, it becomes criticism, judgement, and blame and we adopt a role, usually a role we have played for a very long time.

The Drama Triangle: Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer?

It’s time to recognise the roles we play in our relationships and how they keep us stuck.

The arrival of the niggle signals the ego perpetuating our usually subconscious pattern of either rescuer, persecutor, or victim, identified by Karpman as the Drama Triangle. It looks like this:

karpman drama triangle — Michelle’s drawing of the Karpman Drama Triangle!

Now it doesn’t matter where the ego sits, whether rescuer, victim, or perpetrator. Notice the energetic movement into the centre of the triangle, each contributing to drama and lowering vibration regardless of their role.

We can continue to be entrapped in our roles, trying to defend ourselves, manipulate others or otherwise deflect from the ‘problem’. That is guaranteed to feed the energetic cycle of imbalance.

Healing Starts with Self-Love
When we are ready to recognise when the ego is in control and make the shift to unconditional love, we can choose something better.

It always begins with the decision to sit with our discomfort and again, when we are ready, accept the invitation to explore and unravel what is asking to be healed.

It can look like this:

Ego: ‘I am unhappy because they were rude to me and did not respect my needs.’

Loving self: Why do you need them to be any particular way? They are simply reflecting what is going on for them right now.

Ego: ‘Because that person is my [family member / best friend / insert role here ]. They should love me as I am.’

Loving self: Do you love you as you deserve?

Ego: (and this could go either way, so let’s choose ‘yes’) Yes!

Loving self: That is wonderful because you deserve your love! Could you let them know your needs weren’t met?

Ego: They never listen.

Loving self: Does that mean you have tried to tell them how you feel?

Ego: (again, this could go either way, so let’s choose ‘yes’) Yes!

Loving self: So, you know you deserve better. And you know you have tried to explain how you feel. If they continue to treat you in a way that is less than you deserve, what are you going to do about it?

Ego: Um. I just have to put up with it, I guess. They are my [parent / sibling / best friend / other].

Loving self: Well, that is always an option. What you are saying is, their right to be disrespectful is greater than your need to be respected. I’m not sure you will enjoy this outcome based on how you feel about it right now.

Can you think of other ways you might deal with the situation?

Ego: I could tell them I will spend time with them when they can be supportive of me and my choices. But then they will get angry or defensive. I don’t want to argue with them.

Loving self: So don’t argue. If the conversation becomes uncomfortable, reschedule and step away. Good communication is always needed and we don’t develop this skill without practice.

Ego: But they might not love me anymore.

Loving self: And is that conditional or unconditional love?

Ego: It’s conditional of course. I have to keep the peace.

Loving self: When did you take on this role? And is this how you love yourself? With conditions attached?

And there we go. Ultimately, we are always brought back to what it is we need to heal.

Dissolve the Triangle and Heal

Many, many people are working on something similar at the moment. Know that they / you / we are not alone. I too, am working through the energetic shifts from 3D based relationships to the 5D. And to be perfectly honest, these relationships might not survive.

What will happen if they don’t?

This is one of the greatest fears people share with me.

What if they don’t?

Well, my first response is what if they do? We can assume the limitations of others, but isn’t it better to let them speak for themselves? Perhaps we are worrying about something that won’t even occur.

But what if it does?

Do you really want to be enmeshed in a conditional relationship? If someone doesn’t have enough self-love to love you (because that is the only true definition when we understand All are One) there really is nothing you can do to change them. Your control sits with your ability to change yourself and honour each person’s sovereign right to be how they choose.

Send them love and move on with your life. You are here to live in joy!

Nature abhors a vacuum. When we release those who offer conditional love, we create space for those who will love us unconditionally.

Journaling offers clarity, creativity, problem solving and insights for healing. Photo by Brad Neathery

Journal to Process

Here are a few prompts to help you untangle yourself from the Drama Triangle, if it feels right:

What does it mean when we each learn to love ourselves without condition?
Without the need to save others from their feelings, relationships, choices, fears...?
To no longer participate in drama and play a role, but to be the Divine love I am?
Am I willing to open my heart, examine my hurts and be led to healing?
What are the patterns I am noticing?
Am I ready to trust, draw in my energy, and focus on my healing?
Can I forgive myself and others?
What do I gain if I can’t acknowledge that we each learn in our Right Timing through our experiences?
And if I can’t forgive, how is it okay that I continue to punish myself? (Remember All are One.)

Important: If you feel examining these questions is triggering, stop and seek support from your doctor, mental health provider or counselor.

Colin Tippings’ text, Radical Forgiveness is a particularly helpful text if you need to work through the complexities of forgiveness. I highly recommend it.

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Stepping into 5D Relationships

Are we ready to make the shift from 3D drama-filled relationships to 5D unconditional love and sovereignty?

When we stand in our Divine sovereignty and can say with utmost conviction, ‘I love you and I love me. I know we are all one and I hold unconditional love for each of us,’ we exit the Drama Triangle.

The illusion has collapsed. The arrows in the above diagram are reversed and we draw our energy inwards, fully separating from drama. Now we know that while we love someone, it doesn’t automatically follow that they are meant to be in our inner circle. We have learnt to respect that each are on their life path as they need to be. We trust they will be guided by their Higher Self. And we thank them for the learning and move on.

Love is Divine, with Michelle Cowles

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